


Appreciated

by ADreamIsASoftPlaceToLand



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Jon is also sad, M/M, Panic Attack, Sort Of, Tumblr Prompts, but they're in love, martin is sad, post Lonely adventures, spoilers up through MAG159
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-16 23:01:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21279167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADreamIsASoftPlaceToLand/pseuds/ADreamIsASoftPlaceToLand
Summary: Jon and Martin make it out of the Lonely, but it's a little more overwhelming than Martin expects.





	Appreciated

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MarbledOpalescence](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarbledOpalescence/gifts).

> written for @badass-sunshine on tumblr for the prompts "I've wanted this for so long" and "I thought you didn't want me"  
title from the Rixton song "Appreciated"

“_Don’t worry, I know the way_,” Jon whispers, and he does. They walk out of the Lonely together, Martin clutching Jon’s hand for dear life. Jon grips back, even though holding Martin’s hand is so cold it almost burns. By the time they make it out of the Lonely, Jon’s hand has almost gone completely numb, like instead of warming up to Jon’s body heat, Martin’s hand is leeching the heat away instead, freezing his fingers like he’s dipped it in a bucket of ice water. 

They appear in Jon’s office, and as the last of the fog leaves them Martin gasps, slumping forward as his knees buckle. Jon lurches forward to keep Martin from collapsing to the ground and helps him sit in the chair behind his desk. Jon kneels in front of him and takes his hands (which are suddenly, shockingly warm) again, “Martin, what is it? What’s wrong?” 

Martin takes a shuddering breath and his voice is choked as he says, “I can… feel it all now. All the things I- I couldn’t feel while I was working for Peter and-” a sob wracks through his body and he wrenches his hands from Jon’s to cover his face “It’s- It’s _ too much _ . My mother died, and Tim died, and Sasha- and you were gone, and I was alone and I was _ fine _ but now - God, Jon it _ hurts_. It hurts _ so much_.” 

“Oh, Martin,” Jon breathes, and he sees Martin open his mouth to respond but what comes out is just a broken whimper. Something in Jon cracks at that, and he surges up to wrap his arms around Martin’s shoulders, resting his chin on the top of Martin’s head. Martin sobs into Jon’s chest, and he starts rubbing circles into Martin’s back, whispering softly, “I’m so sorry Martin, I’m here, you’re safe now, you’re home. It’s going to be alright, Martin. I promise. I love you, I’m not going anywhere.”

He holds Martin until his breathing slows, and the sobs that shudder out of him quiet to sniffles. Eventually, Martin sniffs and pulls away from Jon. “Jesus, Jon, I’m sorry, I-”

“Don’t,” Jon cuts him off, gently. “You’ve nothing to apologize for, Martin.” 

Martin barks out a bitter laugh. “I _ left _ you, Jon. I wanted this - _ you _ \- for _ so long_. I thought you didn’t want me, and that was _ fine_. I could deal with that. I told myself after you died that I would just move on, that it didn’t matter anymore. But then you _ came back _ and you _ tried so hard _ to get through to me and show me that it still mattered, that _ I _ still mattered, and I just _ left _” 

“You were doing what you thought was right. It’s not your fault that Peter used you-”

“No, that’s just it, Jon! I always _ knew _ Peter’s plan was bullshit, deep down. You trusted me for nothing! I knew his plan wasn’t going to work. I knew I wasn’t going to _ save the world_,” Martin snaps, voice dripping with a venom that sounds so unfamiliar to Jon. He pauses for a moment, and Jon stills, waiting for him to continue. When he does, his voice is a little softer, “I thought that I could at least protect _ you _ . But I couldn’t even get that right, all I did was push you away and get myself thrown into the Lonely for you to come rescue like- like some _ toddler _ who got lost in a supermarket.”

Jon bites the inside of his cheek so hard it hurts, fighting the urge to snap at Martin just to get him to stop talking. Martin’s already been through enough without punishing himself even more for something that wasn’t his fault, without blaming himself for- “Martin, look at me.”

Martin looks up, and for the second time today Jon realizes he’s so much closer than he’s ever been, close enough that he can see the flecks of green that darken the blue sky of Martin’s eyes. Jon loses his breath for a moment looking into those eyes, but he cups Martin’s face in his hands and returns Martin’s gaze with the full force of his own. “You had no idea that I was going to come back. I can hardly blame you for trying to move on. You’ve always been the one that holds everything together for me, taken care of me and… You’ve saved me more times than I can count, Martin, I think it’s about time I returned the favor.”

Martin huffs, rolling his eyes, “You don’t _ owe _ me anything, Jon.”

“I know. But I _ want _ to help you. I want to be there for you, because you deserve to feel the way that you’ve made me feel for _ years _ . You deserve to feel appreciated, and loved, and I will spend every day of the rest of our miserable lives trying to show you that. I don’t care that you left. I care that you- that it was so _ easy _ for you to just… Give up. On us. On yourself. That we - that _ I _made it so easy for you believe that you... That you belonged there.” 

Martin squeezes his eyes shut, then, shaking his head. “That wasn’t your fault, Jon.”

Jon swipes away the tears that fall down his cheeks. “Maybe it wasn’t. But that’s not important now. What matters is that I’m never going to let that happen again. We’re together, and I’m not going to lose you again. I love you, and I’m never going to let you forget that.”

He leans forward and presses a kiss to Martin’s forehead before wrapping him in a hug again. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen to them, and they’ll have to face the rest of the Institute and whatever waits for them outside at some point, but right now this is more important. And so for now he’ll hold Martin until he’s sure there can be no doubt in Martin’s mind about how he feels, until Martin is completely surrounded by his love and there’s no room for even a scrap of loneliness left.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr @shorter-than-her-tbr-pile!! :D


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